That Obstinate Thing Within

Completing the journals is one of the most boring things to do in the world. I’d even prefer attending lectures in my college rather than completing them. Handle with care, submit on time, really that’s not my thing. And for that I was on an exile from the practicals, especially Bio and Physics.

It was a crisp December morning. And it was also an auspicious day; after all, I would be attending my second Physics Prac since the year started.  I checked my watch; there was still an hour to go. I sat at the bus stop opposite to my college, looking above at the lucid sky. I wished that I could hug my bed and take a nap. But my wish was crushed very soon as I saw that black scooty approaching. 

“Hi!” Esha’s loud voice echoed for a minute in my head like bells in the temples.

“Done?” I questioned her curiously.

“Yup,” she lightened up with a smile, “shameless....”

Well shameless; that I was. She got her shoulder bag in her hand and handed me my Physics journal.

“Completed?!” I asked; my mouth almost half open in amazement. Yeah that was a big thing. Some Eighty pages of bullshit writing and over a dozen of senseless diagrams and graphs! I couldn’t think what would have happened to me without her. Looking at the completed journal I felt like a damsel in distress who has just been rescued.

  
“Yeah... you owe me a treat for that.”

“Sure.” I was still flipping through the pages. If you know how to work your way with girls, no one can be a better help in the crises such as I was. Esha was a close friend and sometimes her motherly caring nature felt good but most of the time it irritated me.

“Now...!” she said in a child like adamant voice. I knew it would be fruitless to fool around and after all, she deserved it....

 “So, what’s today’s plan?” She asked as she bit on the pizza. We were at the dominos near the Hanuman Mandir area.  

“Umm nothing... I would be attending my Physics Prac today!” I proclaimed with honour as I sipped my coke.

“Now please stop acting, as if you don’t know what I’m talking about!” She said with a questioning glance.

I never understand why girls like to talk in riddles??

 “Well...umm.” I knew where this was heading.

“Have you talked to her? It’s her birthday man?”

“No.”

“Why?”  She still stared at me with that serious questioning glance.

I quietly sipped my coke. She sensed the drop in my mood; it was the most vulnerable part of me.

Where ever there’s a complexity in a guy’s life, believe me, there’s always a girl associated with it, directly or indirectly. Although it sounds somewhat like a Physics law, its damned true, isn’t it?

“You are calling her. Now!!” She seemed like an excited kid.

“Come on Esha, it’s been four months. And I...I just don’t care. Leave it.”

“Really...? You can fool the world with this I don’t care thing but not me! At least talk to her. Let’s see what we can figure out. ”

 “Alright I will call her.... In the evening... I promise.”

“You want me to call her...?”

 “No... I will.” I agreed although I doubted it....

Physics lab was a different experience altogether. The moment I entered the lab many heads turned around. I was showered with glances that said: Have we seen him here before? How come he’s here? Why he’s here?

And the most common one that said:

He’s here! Is something wrong with him?!!

For a few moments all of it felt awesome as if I was a celebrity. I took a seat near the window behind the crowd. It was something about an experiment which verified the Newton’s law of cooling. Everyone was crowded around the teacher, concentrating and trying hard to get a glimpse of whatever was going on while I sat behind staring out of the window. I really didn’t care about the fucking relation between temperature change and whatever it was.

I thought about what Esha had said. I thought about all the reasons which shattered my relationship. Strangely, they all seemed so smaller now. I thought about everything and nothing. I thought about her...about me. And then from the shackles of my past, a memory of this very day, a year back, unfolded before my eyes, most of it forgotten but those eyes that face still anew in my mind…...

“Get your hands off asshole.”   She buzzed loud enough for the rikshawala to hear, and now rather than concentrating on the traffic, he gave me dirty looks through the rear view mirror.

“It’s not funny.” I blurted out in an angry tone, gesturing at the rikshawala, who still had his devil eyes fixed upon me. She gave me a wicked grin; I was pissed off, and yeah she thoroughly loved it. That wicked grin of her, accompanied with an innocent, naughty charm in her eyes; that was a sign to be worried about. And even before I could figure it out she pulled me closer, cuddling into my arms and placed a peck on my lips. Hell, her touch sent ripples through my body; it felt like I was hit by a current of thousand volts. I clinched onto her and kissed her, and while I was on it I wished we’d reach R-mall real quick because if the big brother thing in that rikshawala would wake up than it wouldn’t be much pleasant for my health.

The auto braked in front of the R-mall and finally I let out a sigh of relief while she was still giggling mischievously. It was afternoon and most of the crowd at R-mall contributed to teen couples and college groups. The last thing I would want to see here were my parents, so afternoon seemed a better option to wander about.

“The auto guy... he was really crazy at you. Your face was worth taking a snap.” She pushed me playfully as we got into the elevator.

“You know you are such a-”

“Bitch.” She looked into my eyes with a glitzy smile. Her smile, just a glimpse of that beautiful treasure, it made my day.

“Yeah.” I couldn’t suppress a smile either. She was an enigma, always vibrant and full of electricity with that who-the-fuck-cares attitude.

“I know that...” She chuckled with a naughty wink as she clasped my hand tighter. I loved to hold her close. It felt like I had achieved everything when she walked along. It felt like I was the king of the world. There was no fear. We got to MacDonald’s on the third floor. It was all pretty jammed up but we managed to get a seat in a corner, besides the C.C.D.

“Give me a minute kiddo.” She placed her bag on the chair and disappeared towards the washroom.

 I got everything on the table and started arranging things. It was my angel’s birthday, and I wanted to make it special for her in every possible way I could.

 The moment I saw her coming towards me I almost skipped a beat. She had changed into a black sleeveless top and denim short skirt which hardly managed to reach her thighs with her red sneakers. She was a treat for the eyes. I was staring at her like an idiot. She had beautiful intense black eyes. Her shoulder length hair were let loose which flicked onto her eyes. She looked flamboyant and it’s needless to say what my eyes were fishing at.

“You look fabulous.” I said as my gaze dropped down a bit below her neck, to the most awesome place in this world... of course for guys.

“Thank you.” She blushed with nervousness.

“I got something for you birthday girl.”

“What..?” she asked apprehensively with a twinkle of joy on her face.

“Come here.”I led her to the table.

“Close your eyes,” I stood behind her with a hand on her eyes as I held her by the waist. I could see that few eyes around other tables were turning our way but that was the least I cared about.

“What’s all this, come on can I open my eyes?”

“Not yet, just a moment, you’ll love it.” I whispered in her ears.

“One, two, and three… Now slowly open your eyes…”

On the table I had placed a small black forest cake, inscribed with her name and seventeen candles on it. Around it I had arranged many greeting cards, Cadbury silks and a small gift wrapped box.

“Open it.” I gave her the small gift wrapped box.

“Wow.” she glanced at me as she slowly opened it.  Well to be frank I’m not that bright with things like gifts and all but I had brought her a small Donald duck soft toy (it was her favourite cartoon character) holding a heart which said: together forever.

 “Thanks…It’s beautiful….” She kissed me on the cheek as she hugged me; her eyes were glistening with tears. Trust me; it was a very rare thing. It was the best moment of my life, until then at least.

“Cut the cake...These would have looked pretty awesome, all lit up.” I pointed to the candles upon the cake.

“They will.” She handed me her lighter as I looked at her in amazement.

 “What? It’s for the sprit lamps in the chemistry lab.”

“Cool... a Zippo lighter for spirit lamps.” She pinched me with a devilish grin as I lit the candles.

“Happy birthday angel!” she blew off the candles and cut the cake while I took her photographs through my cell phone camera.

“Come here”. She stuffed a piece in my mouth. Then she pulled me closer getting into my arms, placed her cell phone camera in front of us and clicked a few photographs. It was all awesome, she had cuddled up to me and we both were reading those romantic greeting cards together. She was a constant chatter box and I just loved to stare at her and hear her speak, I loved her voice, I loved every bit of her.

“Now let’s have some fun.” She said as she took her porcelain glass containing Pepsi.  I knew something hell was on its way. 

She took my glass and poured the ice in hers and a moment later took out a 90ml Smirnoff vodka bottle from her bag.

“Hell... ARE YOU NUTS?!”

 “Come on... Now don’t be such a nerd.” And with that she poured almost all vodka in her soft drink.

“You are crazy!” But nothing can ever stop her and now she was in the seventh heaven sipping vodka through a Pepsi glass!

 She was at her highest high, unable to walk straight and all shaken up. I carried her out of the R-mall. It was nearly six thirty, she had to get home.

“You are so cute...” she said in drunken voice as she pulled my cheeks.

“Yeah I know, now let’s get moving dear.”

“No... I wanna kiss you.” She started pulling me amidst the crowded street while I struggled to find an auto along with managing her and keeping my cool.

“You.... come here.”

“Sure, just get in first.” We got into an auto and it felt as if I had saved the day. I don’t know what got into her but she began to weep into my arms and I was all clueless as ever.

“Hey.” I held her face in my palms and locked my eyes with hers. It felt as if time had frozen as I peered into those mystique black eyes, full with tears.

“You should leave me.... I.... I can never love you the way you love me... I don’t deserve you... I... I have just screwed you up...nothing else...”

“Well if it’s about screwing up... I love screwing up but only with you. And-”

“You don’t understand it.... I’m not the right one for you... You are way too good and I’m a very bad person... I...just...” She said in a shrill voice and broke down again.

“It’s not about finding the right person.... It’s about finding peace, happiness and love even with the most wrong person. At the end it’s all about loving, truthfully and unconditionally... I love you and no one can change that ever.”

“Never leave me alone.” she was very close, just a couple of inches between us.

“I won’t. I promise.”  She hugged me tightly and at that moment I sensed she had passed out in my arms. I took her close and caressed her cheeks. I couldn’t help but stare at the sleeping beauty besides me. Someone had rightly said that only women look beautiful while asleep. As I looked at her I was lost somewhere. But don’t know why this feeling of being lost was so close to being found. These moments, they had a magic touch with them, and all I knew was that they will be lasting forever....

“What do you think you are doing?!!” I heard a familiar voice which pulled me back from my day dream.

“Huh...” I looked up at our Physics madam and the look in her eyes wasn’t much appreciable.

“This isn’t a place for your time pass. Get out.”

“Sure.” I picked my bag and left the physics lab amidst the laughter of all. I don’t know why but just instinctively I climbed up to the fifth floor to the chemistry lab.  She had her chem Pracs today. I peeped into the lab but couldn’t find her. I got down and now this thing was really eating me up from within. Some feelings, they sink so deep within that they just become an integral part of you. They make you so vulnerable; they get into you, break you and finally mould you into a strange being.

 I took a seat on a vacant bench in the Sambhaji Park. The Sun was rapidly vanishing behind the Manisha Garden Tower, the tallest one in Mulund East.  The sky was ablaze and it looked as if someone had literally melted gold along. I stared at a photograph of us in my cell phone. She had clicked it at MacDonald’s last year, on this very day. I just thought what she’d be thinking. Had she forgotten all? There was only one way to know.

“Hello...” I heard her pleasant voice almost after a life time.

“Hi.” I managed to say few moments later.

“Who’s this..?”

  “Happy birthday.... Angel.” I couldn’t hold back tears.

“May I know who’s speaking?” There wasn’t a slightest affection in her voice.

I’m sorry.” I hung up. It hurt... It hurt like real hell...

“These violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph, die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss....Consume!”

–     Shakespeare